Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
