I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
