I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
