idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize