i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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