i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
