I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
