If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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