i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
