OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
