Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
