trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
