I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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