when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
