I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My feet surprised me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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