dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
