I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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