Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
