she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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