First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
