I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
