Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
