I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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