My sheets look like a crime scene.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
