first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize