We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
