My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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