have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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