I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
