Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
