do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Come share oat with me in your robe
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
