Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize