Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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