Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
