we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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