I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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