just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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