I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
