Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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