She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
