We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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