Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
