I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
