Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He did a backflip because drugs
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