i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
