"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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