If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
