Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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