i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Houston, we have a squirter
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
