we're chasing vodka with high fives
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
