i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
