He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If I die, sorry about rent.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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