SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
