The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
