What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
