I looked at my own cervix.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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