so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's the barista slut.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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