Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
