you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
