I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
