she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
