he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
