...so i touched it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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