Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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