On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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