Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
