I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
