theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
