my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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