Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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