Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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