So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
