I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
