piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
