Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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