well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Enjoy the penises
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
