I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize