Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
