Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
