my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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