Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
